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Name

Graeme Glendinning

AKA

Fatbloke

Date of Birth

30/08/1956

Previous Clubs

Too many to name (they all got wise!)

The Captain picks me for…

1. My sex appeal;  2. Restraint when it comes to alcohol; 3. Driver's licence

Top Score

73

Best Figures

32-inch waist (at 5 yrs old)

Best Player Played With

Sir Garfield Sobers

Best Player Played Against

Mushtaq Mohammed or Wes Hall

Favourite Cricketing Memory

Scoring 73 for MCC opening the batting against Aberystwyth University in 1846

Best Tour Destination

Thai Sixes in Bangkok

Best Teas

Lords & Commons C.C.

Worst Teas

Birmingham University

Song I’d most like to go out to bat to

Wayfaring Stranger (Andreas Scholl)

Walk or Stay

Walk, you cheating bastards!

Best Batting Partner

Mike Denness

Opposition I most like to beat

Any side that's full of themselves (and, yes, I am aware that's grammatically incorrect)

If I could change one rule it would be..

Add an inch or two to the width of the stumps and do away with LBW - no bugger understands the bloody rule anyway